Getting Comfortable with Not Knowing

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It's easy to label things that happen as "good" or "bad." You got a promotion. Good. You lost your job. Bad.

Unfortunately, life is not that simple. In many cases, you simply don't know if something is good or bad until you look back many years later.

Maybe that promotion locks you in to golden handcuffs at a job that makes you miserable. And maybe getting fired gives you the courage you needed to pursue the creative dreams that you put on hold for decades.

If adulthood has taught me anything, it's that my intuition about how my life will unfold is often wrong or incomplete.

With this understanding, I've adjusted my approach to life. I no longer trust my initial reaction to a situation, and I don't try to predict the future.

I've worked hard to let go of my desire for certainty in a world that is inherently unpredictable and uncertain.

In doing so, I've learned that nothing is as good or bad as it seems. And instead of trying to control the way my life unfolds, I now trust the process and am open to pathways that I cannot imagine until they happen.

Letting go in this way is not easy. It goes against all of my instincts and desire to control every aspect of my life.

But with practice, I've gotten better at this skill. It's a lifelong journey, but it's one that has been worth pursuing. Because instead of fighting the true nature of reality, I'm working with it.

And that makes everything a bit easier and less painful.

With that, I want to share my favorite fable, which has helped me on this path of accepting life as it unfolds.

"We'll See"

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.

His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”

The farmer said, “We’ll see.”

A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses following. The man and his son corralled all twenty-one horses.

His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”

The farmer said, “We’ll see.”

One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.

His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”

The farmer said, “We’ll see.”

The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.

His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”

The farmer said, “We’ll see.”

What I'm Reading

Instead of chasing knowledge from new books, I've been on a bender of re-reading my favorite books. It's been a joy to revisit some of the stories that have shaped my thinking over the years.

What's interesting is how little I remember from the books and how the experience of reading them many years later leads to new conclusions. Here are some of the ones I've read over the last month.

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl: Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl reflects on his experience in the concentration camps and discusses logotherapy, a school of thought contending that humans are motivated by the search for meaning, not power or pleasure. Frankl shows us that no matter what happens in our lives, we have the ability to choose our response and find meaning in our suffering.

Siddhartha by Herman Hesse: A classic tale of a young Brahmin's quest to find spiritual meaning and fulfillment in the world.

What to Remember When Waking by David Whyte: A wonderful audio series discussing how to navigate times of transition and the muddy boundaries between the physical and spiritual world.

— Cal

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